| Cory and I went to see THE FUNNIEST GUY EVER last night. Somehow, in an auditoriium of over a thousand people, Cory and I were the oldest ones there. I became paronoid that they could smell the old fart in us.
Hey, what a show, that guy kicks my ass! | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| It's been a while, again, since I checked in. Lots has happened, yet not so much really.
Cory is picking me up from work in a few short minutes and we are going out for thai food... seafood curry is divine followed by green tea icecream.
I had a shitty appointment today, but besides that life is good.
I plan on reading the rest of To Kill A Mockingbird this weekend and go to the Evergreen Chili Cook Off. yeah, talk about indigestion.
We got a kitty and her name is Mona... which is really just like rearranging the letters in Norman and taking out a few. Regardless, they both come no matter what name you call in hopes of scraps. I like having a kitty especially at 4 in the morning when she decides to look down at you adoringly and then punch you square in the nose. Could have been worse, she could have socked me with the claws out. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I read this great book about the Beat poets at their school in Boulder in the 70's called
The Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics. It was way cool and I learned a lot of freaky shit about Burroughs.
Like
He accidentally shot his wife in the head and killed her when she dared him to shoot an apple off the top of her head in Mexico. And how their son was born with fetal alcohol syndrom and suffered with that his whole life. Then when Billy jr. received a new liver in his early 30's, he died of a heart attack shortly after... like weeks after celebrating his liver by going on a bender. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I have been in this unbelievable funk lately. When I say lately, perhaps it has lasted a couple of days… but still that’s long enough for it to feel like I‘ve felt this way for a much longer time. I don’t know what I can chalk it up to… perhaps PMS (I can’t believe there are still people out there who don’t think it exists, I would say that the majority of them are men, but that would seem rude, huh?) and more so my job.
Some days, I just love coming into work and get a great sense of pleasure from helping people make the choice to add possibility to their love life. Other days, I don’t believe in it at all and I wish I could manage the grit to kick this job and find another. I feel locked into my life, I can’t quit and work less or make less money or otherwise I think our house would wind up in foreclosure. I feel like I am riding the Batman at Great America… the restraints tight against my chest and I can’t get out. I’m so dramatic…
I think what made this feeling worse was talking to my dear old friend from high school who doesn’t work, has 2 young kids, her husband doesn’t even hold a full time job and they live how they please. Why can’t I manage that as well? Perhaps I have to be okay with government assistance, that’s why. Not that I’m judging, okay… so maybe I am. I can’t see why two healthy young able-bodied people need to suckle off the teat of a government that they don’t even support… not that I’m driving around with a flag on the antennae of my car because I’m not. I guess it’s just not fair. I have to work to live and why don’t they feel that same necessity? Who the hell is going to support them if I don’t pay my taxes? I am such a martyr, Christ!
So I feel like a mope and I think I want to just run away. I read this short story by Russell Banks called, “The Guinea Pig Lady.” About this woman that lives in a trailer with 2 guinea pigs that eventually become over a hundred guinea pigs and she can’t take care of them anymore and they’re taking over her life so she decided in a desperate act to set her trailer on fire with all of them inside. I kind of feel like that or at least I can relate to the relief burning down your trailer can give you. I am nutty, huh?
There is a small amount of relief for being able to write down these suffocating thoughts and not feel self-conscience about feeling this way. I know that I am not locked into my life if I decide to choose it and own it. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| So, I admit... I have been frustrated artistically and have been avoiding the studio. I am without an audience, and without critique I find the silence deafening. I am standing before the proverbial blank canvas and.. nothing. My friend had a marvelous idea; I should create a theme for each month and all art should be around such a theme to take the pressure off not knowing where to start.
So I pose the question:
What would make some interesting monthly themes? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I catch on to things late...
I just started reading Tom Wolf's "new" book. It's aggravating and at the same time so very entertaining. How is it that MORE kids don't die of alcohol and drug related deaths or MORE kids don't scratch at their genitals with a grocery list of different STDs? How is it that any one of them graduates and becomes a responsible adult? Much more, how do any of them not feel a great amount of disappointment about what actually awaits them in the "real" world?
I didn't live in the dorms and I certainly didn't go to an ivy league school, so my college experience really doesn't compare... at all. I thought I would have a better point of reference being that I came from a small town like Charlotte.
Bottom line: I can't imagine sending my future children into that sesspool. And college used to be the answer to all parent's wishes and prayers. I hope my kids choose community college or a state school or live at home the rest of their natural lives and be safe and keep mommy company. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| We got back from Boston on Friday. Went to see Cory's family. We had a great time, eating, going to the shore, eating, driving up to Maine, eating. I got my first manicure and pedicure at his brother-in-law's nail shop. Red, of course. I felt so damned pampered (and yes, I was queasy at first about the whole foot bath infected with 100's of strains of god-knows-what and then got over it). Maine reminds me so much of Door County it's ridiculous.
I spent the last two days doing almost absolutely nothing. I slept and watched movies mostly (Desperado, The Crucible twice, Personal Velocity, The Thomas Crown Affair). Got the grill going for lunches and saved a poor, mistreated outside lantern from a second hand shop. I bought some stained glass to replace the missing pieces and wished I had taken that class at the Craft Centre when I could.
I am trying like mad to get cheap tickets to the Rockies/Dodgers game for July 4th. I don't know how I got roped into that madness.
4th plans? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I can't stop thinking about work. I am having a blast for the first time in years. Okay, well maybe I have only worked here a little over a year and a half, but it feels good to be here! Yes, I know it is Saturday at 5:21pm and I am still here, but I'm not actually working right now. I'm just waiting for Cory to pick me up.
I know money isn't everything, but I am so psyched to say that I have made over $3,000.00 in 9 days! I have never made that much before...ever. I attribute my new success in sales to a great new director that gave some real and sound advice while also reminding me to have confidence in myself and what I am doing here. I am so revamped and believe in what I'm selling, which is really what counts. I just want to scream because I don't think I have ever felt this way about work before, and it makes all the difference.
What else? oh, I really love becki cook. She is thee coolest girl I know.
hands down. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| http://www.zabasearch.com/
This website can show you a satelite picture of anyone's house. How creepy is that?
You can type in the person's name and it shows you their address history. You then can click on a satelite image. Big Brother knows alittle too much, huh? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I don't even know where to start.
I had a sudden realization I was self-absorbed. I I I... I can't even write about it without feeling like I am acting on that impulse. This is MY journal afterall, right?
I wish I was more empathetic and I don't really know how to try on another person's shoes until I experience something similar. In the grand scheme of reincarnation: I blame this inability on being a new soul. That explains why I am not considered wise either. I don't know not to touch a hot stove until after the burn. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I have not done a thing all day, but google images and look at a 100 sexiest women catalog while critiquing. Angelina Jolie was #1. Anyone else think her lips are too big? I found "Big Amanda" too.  | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I am talking about the original released in 1995, the one we love if we've seen it and will love if we haven't.
I have just been searching dozens of websites trying to find a copy of it to buy. I have come back empty handed. imdb.com and ebay don't have it. I just don't know what to do. I am beside myself with grief.
Anyone have any ideas?
I will pay premium rates for a copy of a copy at this point.
Maybe I should rent it from somewhere and never return it, although that sounds rude, annoying and wrong, but god help me I'll do it if forced.
help me, anyone, please help me. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I got a giffen grip for my potter's wheel yesterday. It trims pots in 1/2 the time without the dicking around. I have been in a "bowl-making-frenzy" atleast that is what my therapist told me.
I made a kick ass omelet this morning with ham and mushrooms. It was one green pepper away from being a Denver omelet, but that is like so cliche' around here.
I saw an 8-track player at a garage sale this morning for $20 obo and I was considering it and then remembered that I don't care for tapes: the way they get all crinkled and destroyed.
did I mention that I am obsessed with Lewis and Clark right now?
I reading about preparations for the journey, they haven't left. My crush keeps going back and forth between the two and every now Jefferson. Today though, I am crushing on Clark. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I saw a bear along the highway on the way home the other night!
It was like, HUGE.
It was probably as big as my car, as big as 4 lazyboy recliners piled ontop of one another, bigger than any tent I ever slept in.
The Shins rocked out last night. The singer was telling us that he screwed up a song because he lost track of what he was doing thanks to some giant set of knockers in the front row. He didn't actually phrase it that way, but something to that effect.
I drank a lot.
I picked up a Roberta Flack vinyl from Goodwill, it is sooo good. I also got a Heart album that is reminscent of Mom doing her hair in the morning. She would rock out to He's a Magic Man. got the magic hands...
What lyrics are in your head right now?
me?
"your body is a wonderland..." | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| The girls at work chipped in and got Cory and I tickets to see The Shins. How cool is that?
The agenda tomorrow includes helping my girlfriend make a cocoon that turns into butterfly wings for her son's costume. And how cool is that? | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I have noticed that an absorbant amount of women I have met recently are reading He Just Isn't That Into You. It outlines a man's behavior and lays out the tell tale signs as to when, well, a man just isn't that into you. It is fair to say that most women probably can tell already but prefer to live in the fantasy that if she just waits around long enough that will all change. Suddenly, the guy that rarely if ever returns a phone call, never initiates a date, always has to run when she does catch him on the phone, will some day just realize she is the woman of his dreams! And married bliss and children to follow, fa la la.
And onto a completely different subject:
I believe more and more every day that there are no such things as coincidences.
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Heather Nova | | Time: | 03:31 pm |
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| I went to a freesneakpeek of an Ashton Kuthcer film called Something Like Love or something like that. It will not get good reviews I am fairly certain, but damn! is he cute. I think he is far more than demi's tadpole lover... he is infectiously adorable and funny.
Keep having war dreams that should be nightmarish, but aren't. Last night I was a nurse that helped saw off arms and legs that were stripped down to the bones. No skin, no muscle. Just bones that were attached to perfectly normal bodies of people that were keeping up pleasant conversations with me. One of the soldiers was Willem Defoe if I am not mistaken.. It's unoriginal, he's been in so many war movies.
I have noticed that my journal has not been about babies for such a long time. I think about having one quite frequently, but until I get knocked up there really isn't much to say.
I am going out with the girls Friday night to a place called Sing Sing. I dunno, I think it has dueling pianos.
My sister Tera spending her week's allotted vacation with me. I have her home today washing and scrubbing my house while I am gone. What? She's my younger sister. It entitles me to a week's worth of slavery. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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hua_u_say's journal
Maine June 24th, 2005
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